4 months after my last chemo and here is the extent of my hair growth. My sister says I look like Mia Farrow :o)   Also I had to wear the aviators they somehow just made the picture awesome!

People seem to be curious about what exactly radiation is. Radiation therapy is defined as “The use of high-energy rays to damage cancer cells, stopping them from growing and dividing. Like surgery, radiation therapy is a local treatment that affects cancer cells only in the treated area.” The picture here is what the machine looks like that I have to lie under everyday. Invisible rays are then mapped out to only affect the are where the cancer was in my breast. I don’t feel anything and only hear a low buzzing sound when the ray is physically treating the area.

I’ve found that one of the biggest misconceptions is that radiation will make me lose my hair again. It won’t. In fact my hair is growing thicker than ever (pics soon to follow). Radiation side effects do however include: tiredness and often skin reactions (such as a rash or redness, pigmentation, and scarring). So far I’ve just been feeling a little more tired than usual but am keeping a close eye on my skin.

This isn’t tattooed on just permanent marker but hey X marks the spot for radiation! Looks like it’s turtle necks for me for a few days (if only it wasn’t 80 degrees out!)

How adorable and courageous is this little girl? Makes me cry. If she can do it so can I!

BALD AND BEAUTIFUL!   

Well it’s been exactly 3 weeks since my surgery and the good news is that I’ve been healing well and am getting more motion back in my arm everyday. 

But the most recent news has left me feeling both discouraged and hopeful. In cutting the mass out of my breast, doctor’s look for “clear margins”, which means they test the tissue around the breast to see if it is still positive for cancer or not. All the margins were clear except for the back margin up against the muscle on my chest wall. My surgeon cut as deep as she thought there was cancer, but not as deep as what can be. So I have to go in and have surgery again so she can cut a little deeper and hopefully get more or all of the remaining cancer. I hate that I have to go though more surgery, but the more cancer they can cut out the better.

Getting ready to go into my surgery.

Well the good news is today is my last chemo! I am sitting in this chair, in this room with a patient in each corner, hooked up to this machine for the last time! After this week no more nausea, no more extreme fatigue, no more food tasting weird, and NO MORE CHEMO BRAIN! You are all invited to my conclusion of chemo party!

On to the better news, as many of you have already heard, I recently had my follow up PET scan to see how the cancer has reacted to the chemotherapy. The results came back that the cancer has shrunk to the point that the test couldn’t really detect it!!! My Mom and I wept with joy when we heard the news. 

Despite the lack of cancer showing on the tests my team of Doctors are continuing to be very aggressive with my treatment and are still scheduling surgery in a few weeks followed by 6 weeks of radiation. But I plan on enjoying my upcoming Holidays to the fullest as I am more thankful this year than I’ve ever been before.

Wednesday was my second to last chemo! It went relatively like the last few, I found I wasn’t as tired the day of but the exhaustion has definitely been lingering, as has my “chemo brain”. I feel a little fuzzy like when you have a head cold and take drowsy medicine. I feel bad for the people I have to interact with as explaining things takes me twice as long, or I’m spaced out from the conversation altogether! Drinks still taste like a packet of sugar was added and I’ve been feeling a little more nauseous than with the past couple chemotherapys. But the thought of only having ONE LEFT is getting me through all the side effects. 

I’d like to thank EVERYONE who donated or helped out for the breast cancer yard sale. All and all about $600 was raised to help with my medical expenses. I can’t begin to express my gratitude to everyone. A special thanks goes out to my Mother who donated items, priced items, got the word out, made cupcakes, got up at 4 am to get ready for the sale and SO MUCH MORE. Mom I know a scraped knee when I was a kid was easier to take care of, but you are always there for me even when it takes more than a kiss and a hug to make things better. I love you to God and back again.

The final stage as we all know is Acceptance. Acceptance is hard for me, in fact almost impossible at times. Like say for instance my recent break up, I continue to tell myself over and over that it’s just temporary or that he’ll “come to his senses”. I simply cannot accept some things, and you would think that finding out I had cancer wouldn’t be any different.

Most stories you’ve heard about breast cancer I’m sure are about women who were totally shocked. They just found a lump one day, or the mammogram just revealed an abnormal mass and their world was all of a sudden upside down. Well I can’t tell you how I knew or for how long I knew but going in to everything I knew something was wrong. Something about knowing deep down that things weren’t right didn’t make accepting that I have cancer necessarily easier, but I was more able to accept it.